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One day none of this would matter. This pain would be nothing but a faint memory, covered by many days and new experiences, overwhelmed with love and growth.

You’ll look back and it’ll be just a blip in your life, lost in a myriad of milestones and transformations, irrelevant and distant.

Seek that day, prepare for it! Fill your path with valuable moments and lessons, cover the distance between now and then. Teach yourself, love yourself. Take care of yourself and others. Strive for respect and kindness.

Be patient.

Our flowers are now growing in an empty garden.

– What are you doing?

– Trying to forgive the birds…

– But you can’t stand them! Chirping at 4am!

– Yeah, but it’s not their fault I’ve become so bitter.

It’s been so long, I could barely find my own blog on the WordPress interface. My previous post was written in May, last year.

Since then, I’ve been busy living, learning, exploring. I’ve had ideas for this blog, but they were sad and not good enough. They didn’t match the life I was living, or so I thought. I dismissed them all.

I was happy. That song, stuck in a moment, no longer represented me. It no longer does.

I would often look back and realise how much I had learnt, how stronger and wiser I had become. Sometimes I fear I am still far from being wise. There’s still so much work to be done.

The end of the year had cast a shadow over all that. The lessons I’m learning now are lessons I didn’t need to learn. Yes, this is making me stronger, yet, at the same time, selfish and bitter. My life wasn’t perfect, but I was working on making it better. Now, my life has fallen into a category I do not like, with certain labels and compromises I am not fond of.

I have no answer and no outcome I can possibly imagine brings me any joy or comfort.

Only I have no luck any more. But who knows? Maybe today. Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are ready.

The setting of the sun is a difficult time for all fish.


[Later edit:] This was almost prophetic. Sometimes I can’t believe it.

Well, not really, but definitely much better. Not only do I know what I’m doing wrong, I also have a strategy to fix it.

I’m so angry, I need to scream at somebody.

I know it’s not the end, I know there’s so much more left to do, I know it will be OK at some point, but I am oh so… tired.

Un ceai de meduze la ora 5.

I miss you and I like to think you’ve missed me too. There are so many stories to tell, some of them wonderful, most of them confusing and pointless.



O pata gri intr-un ocean de culoare.

iulie 2020