I still remember it. That time when my touch could only hurt you. The things that you loved, the things that made you melt into my arms, they were all nothing but pain. Shiver. Hurt. Pain. And I only stood there besides you, wanting to touch, to feel, to taste. And you there, next to me, ill, weak, wishing all this would vanish, wishing for fresh air and open spaces, wishing for everything to go away, including me, with my irritating need of being close to you. Suffocating…

I had a bad dream last night. Not the kind you would imagine. It seems that fears still linger in the depths of my mind. And I couldn’t tell you on the phone, as we were both in a hurry. And I could not even see you today, for you were away…

Funny how it is. Sad funny. I used to feel you next to me all the time. Holding my hand, your arm circling my waist, your shadow warming my shoulders, your upper lip touching mine. Like a rupture in the world we live in, we’d walk in invisible parallel paths, and only the two of us would know it. But then you left. For a long time. I knew you’d come back, we were both sure of it. Yet, I could not go on another day. It hurt too much. So, I told myself…I started learning, convincing my brain that you’re so far away…That invisible connection between us grew longer, like stretching a piece of thread, thinner and thinner, until it almost faded away from my eyesight. Ever since, any time you leave, no matter how far from me, either a step or two, or a mile, or a world between us, that link remained unchanged. Thin, almost like it’s never been there. Ever since I live in fear that it would break. Ever since, I feel the void separating us. Ever since, I’m crawling through the dark, looking for you.

But I know, no matter how far you’d go, no matter how blind with fury I would be, no matter how lonely and hopeless… that thread is there. Even though I can’t seem to feel it anymore, even though it doesn’t seem to be enough anymore. In spite of all the winters and rains growing on our lips, I am a rock, and I stood here for you all this time. And I’m not going to stop now!