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Here I go out to sea again
the sunshine fills my hair
and dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes
you know it feels unfair
there’s magic everywhere

Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
it’s a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to hide your face
it’s a wonderful, wonderful life

Sun in your eyes
the heat is in your hair
they seem to hate you
because you’re there
and I need a friend
Oh, I need a friend
to make me happy
not stand here on my own

Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine

I need a friend
oh, I need friend
to make me happy
not so alone…….

Look at me here
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine

I’m alive!!!…well, sort of…love u all and miss u even more…

„Do you know that I could fly you to heaven? And then I would let you fall…just like that…I’d open my arms and let you go…If you knew that, would you still trust me? Would you believe that I’d catch you again?!”

Who said that? I can’t tell whether it was real or not. Was it only a dream? I am pretty sure that I heard it before. But who can tell?? Is there any hope that I’ll remember?

I woke up at 2 a.m. Dark is the night…Stars sliding through my window…As if I was watching an old filmstrip…Everything stood still…except those shinny little stars in the corner of my window. Stories sent from another world…And I woke up again, one hour later…and again, and again…and the night didn’t seem to end anymore…And then it hit me. One year before?! I finally took the courage to return…my special place…where I could see inside of me… deeply, true, uncensored, without sparing myself… no hidden catch, no strings attached. I was so scared of what I could find out about me. But, strangely, I was fine!

I can still feel the wind carrying the salty scent of the sea…and that old song…from that man’s radio. He was blind…smilling hapily and petting his fluffy cat sitting on his knees… He missed the landscape, but it seemed that he could see further than I would ever reach…And the song – ohh! – the song… „I just called…” Simply. One call from heaven…

You lied to me…

Ar trebui sa existe o zi a indragostitilor adevarata. Nu pentru cei care „au pe cineva”. Aceia, oricum, au sarbatorile lor nestiute de nimeni, nici chiar de ei…zilele in care se plimba pe Luna…Ar trebui una pentru cei care nu isi pot impartasi bucuria. O zi in care sa zambeasca si sa spuna: „Iubesc!” Sa se plimbe prin parc si sa inalte baloane colorate…sau sa ofere baloane de sapun vantului…O zi in care durerea lor sa fie doar fericire topita in aer…

Azi-noapte am visat gandaci urcand pe pereti. O fiinta umana zacea ghemuita pe podea, gemand in spasmuri multicolore. Alb palid…pielea translucida cu o paloare vinetie…vinisoare subtiri, sangerande…Sub unghii ciuntite, trombocite coagulate. Omul lipit de pamant, despuiat de ceea ce-l face om…cu mintile ratacind in intuneric. Omul-coaja, lipsit de aparare si discernamant, ingaimand franturi de silabe, bolborosind sunete inecate, inghitite, amestecate cu lacrimi dureroase. Omul neom, privat de ultimul sau refugiu, de singurul lucru in care poate avea incredere…Omul chircit sub o suferinta inutila, daramat pe scara evolutiei pana langa colegii sai, viermii. Omul ce nu-si mai cunoastea mintea…

Intind mana in intuneric si simt prezenta altui trup. As vrea sa infig degetele…sa-i zdrobesc carnea tremuranda si rece. Dar inainte sa apuc sa fac ceva…soldurile i se dezintegreaza intr-o pulbere fina. Imi duc mainile la ochi. Ce-am facut?! Gustul sau prafos imi inunda simturile. Il simt pe buze, il mestec, imi ajunge pana in gat, ma sufoc…Simt ace intepandu-mi pielea. Multe ace prinse cu fire invizibile. Incerc sa ma smucesc, sa scap. Sunt tot mai multe fire si s-au intins ciupindu-mi mainile. Ma ridic, ma zbat, nu ma las. Firele sunt din ce in ce mai groase si mai stranse. Muschii mi s-au contorsionat intr-o incordare stransa. Acele ard sub piele. Mi-am infipt calcaiele si coatele in salteaua aspra. Stau asa, cu spatele arcuit, cu toracele suspendand in gol. Mi se vad coastele tensionate inchizand o inima speriata. „Bartender, what is wrong with me? Why am I so out of breath?…” Simt nevoia sa inspir adanc dar fulgere ascutite imi paralizeaza orice miscare. Nu-mi iese decat un oftat adanc. Ma ustura incheieturile, de fapt, locul in care acele patrund in piele…Ma pierd. Ma tem sa nu ma pierd…Imi simt gandurile urcand in linisti spiralate…

Sfarseala…Am obosit luptandu-ma cu aerul. Firele s-au transformat in lanturi. Rob. Resemnat. Imi asez capul la loc pe perna umeda. Simt cum se scurg in mine otravurile unei alte lumi. Mi-e zambetul stramb atarnand in coltul gurii. Mi-e gatul stramb in coltul patului. Imi aduc aminte de o fereastra deschisa deasupra capului meu. Prin ea se vede un copac mare cu frunzele frematand in vant. As vrea sa ma incordez, sa privesc din nou…M-ar calma, as avea o ocupatie. Dar, de data aceasta, e intuneric si bezna si zid. Pat de fier, cavou comun.

Vreau zori, vreau soare. Maine trebuie sa scap de aici.

Yesterday…I was floating. I felt all the molecules in my body vibrating in a weightless manner. My muscles hurt. My skin felt different…strange…distant…as if it wasn’t mine anymore. And I just stood there in a corner amazed by my own transformation. I’ve lost contact with the rest of the world…And since then…I keep trying to adapt, to live as I used to pretending that nothing ever happened. I remember how it used to be. It just doesn’t come naturally anymore.

Today…life struck me in a brutal way. No warning, no smooth passage. It hit me with its fundamental, yet rudimentary, pains. My soul bleeds. I’m blinded by the colours of this world. It’s too much to bear sometimes…

„Do you ever feel that life has passed you by?”
„No, I feel that it knocked me down and then ran over me…”

I dreamt of heaven last night. It’s difficult to wake up in hell and keep moving.

„And I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Oh, up, down, turn around; please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I walk alone, to find my soul desire to go home”

I’m smoking my last cigarette on this afternoon spying the people in the street. My nextdoor neighbour is sitting on the balcony. She seems sad. Oh, she lost her kitty some time ago. I wonder if that’s the reason why…I kindda miss it too. Funny, yeah, it looked nice. Little ball of fur climbing the trees. One morning I found it scratching my kitchen window. Yup, she’s cute. If I knew she’s normal, I would ask her out…maybe…someday. Who needs kitties anyway?

What have I done I’ve broke your heart
Now there’s no sun just cold and dark
Without your smile I can’t laugh
Without you baby I’m just a half
I didn’t know what I had
I didn’t know I’d feel this sad
But I feel

Naked without you
I feel crazy without you
I feel naked without you

What have I done I’ve broke a vow
But I’m the one who’s crying now
Without your touch I can’t feel
Without your forgiveness I can’t heal
Nobody else can take your place
And if I don’t see your angel face

I feel naked without you
I’m still crazy about you
I feel naked without you

I hurt the one who really loved me
Don’t look at me I feel ugly
I feel naked without you

I’m so tired that I can’t sleep
I threw away a love so deep

I’m naked without you
I feel crazy without you
I feel naked without you
Naked without you in my head
Crazy without you in my bed
I feel naked without you
So naked without you
Crazy without you in my room
Naked without you
Naked without you
Crazy without you
I feel naked without you
Naked without you…

Joe Cocker-Naked without you



O pata gri intr-un ocean de culoare.

mai 2007