You are currently browsing the daily archive for aprilie 18, 2007.

They drained the pond this morning. How sad… My kid played there the whole summer. Well, it wasn’t exactly a pond. She used to call it like that. She kept telling me about their little lake with goldfish and frogs and water lilies and rocks…I was quite astonished when I heard her for the first time. I didn’t really get it until she showed me the place. In fact, it was only a puddle on the sidewalk. Some damaged pipes were the source of all the mistery. It became rapidly the favourite spot of all the children in the neighbourhood. And I couldn’t get enough of her stories about that magical place.

This morning, though…while I was going to work, I noticed some workers digging…and I knew it was the end. And I felt sorry for the kids…and all their little dreams. I looked at those serious men ruining so many happy moments without even knowing it. Why did they came? The broken pipes laid there for months…And then I started wondering…how all those tough men look like in those cute, sweet, sensitive moments of theirs…They can be incredibly touching…like that man who came a few months ago at my office with a kitty he found on the streets. He confessed that he wanted to give it away. Yet, for some unexplainable reason, he decided to keep it…He didn’t know anything about pets. And he seemed so clumsy when trying to take care of it. His hands were trembling and I realized that this was something important for him. I could almost feel the bond between those two souls. Amazing…

I also think of my husband when I say this. Lately, he’s become so…I don’t know…crazy, irresponsible, cheerful and sad at the same time…so full of life… I can’t blame him, he’s in love. Unfortunately, not with me…Actually, I never thought this could be possible, but, yes, I’m happy for him. Since I first met him, I never believed he could fall in love like this. So childish and reckless, so sweet, so curious…like he’s rediscovering himself and the world he didn’t really notice so far. Like a teenager who doesn’t dare to express his feelings. And I love to see him like that and I’m glad for each new step that he takes, for every emotion, every thought that lights his face, every plan he makes, every decision he takes. I feed myself with his happiness. Is that really possible? Is there something wrong with me? Because…as long as he’s here and he keeps this mad experience for himself, I can only smile and watch him intrigued and fascinated. Yet, I die with every second he thinks of her…”I’m stoned in love but not with you”…

And this made me remember so many things…and made me miss all of them. Maybe I should tell you…all those…maybe you should know, before it’s too late… I miss loving that stranger that you were. Trying to find out who you are…startling with every new finding. Living without knowing what tomorrow brings. When everything was just a game and I didn’t even know what I felt or what I wanted. When my love was pure and naive, when a smile could light the world. I miss being shy and quiet in your presence. I miss being afraid to touch you. I miss sleeping in your arms for the first time and melting…And no dream can replace that.



O pata gri intr-un ocean de culoare.

aprilie 2007